Shazzies Creations

From heart to Art… My world on a page

Tag: support

Today’s not the Today I planned

Today I was meant to be sharing joyful news. Today was meant to be a happy moment of telling the world that Bearded Biker and I would be having our first baby together, but sometimes our Todays dont go the way we plan them and life rewrites our Todays with tears.

So Today, I am telling you Lifes version of my Today, we lost our little New beginning.

Reasons why are not available to us at the moment but since it is now my third miscarraige, the Obgyn has decided blood tests to rule out an Autoimmune Diesease are now nessecary. I find myself in a catch 22 – I in no way want to be diagnosed and live with that prognosis but on the other side of the coin, to have an actual reason behind having to have three precious Dreams become Fairy Tales would bring some closure.

We thankfully have an amazing support system around us and are holding onto our Faith that All things work for our good, even in our moments of not knowing the why’s, we hold fast to that. In this new road we find ourselves travelling we will watch for those we may encounter whose lives will enrich ours and whose lives we can enrich. Be it through the comfort of a shared Journey or the support we can give wherever it is needed.

We go through things in life that we cannot always understand or explain. Things that knock us down and tear us apart, through these events though we grow and find strength we didn’t know we possessed. We gain knowledge and wisdom that further down our journey in life we can use, whether it be in our own lives or in the lives of those brought into our story.

 

Found @
https://peacefuldiary.com/products/grow-through-what-you-go-through

Found @ http://www.picturequotes.com/when-something-bad-happens-you-can-either-let-it-define-you-let-it-destroy-you-or-you-can-let-it-strengthen-you-quote-9573

So I start….again….

So I have decided to attempt to be healthy and fit again. Funny how we can be so absorbed with a course of action that it becomes a huge part of life, then poof! Life takes a turn and you blink and four years have gone by and you have not exercised and you are a whole dress size bigger……

Believe it or not, four years ago I had the beginnings of six pack definition and Bearded Biker and I were really living the healthy lifestyle. Then our gym closed, life was never the same. We had a quiet gym we attended that was in a small shopping complex. We adored that gym. No queues at the equipment and and no water fountain circuit users. It was just serious gymers who got in, worked hard and got out. We tried other gyms, we just did not gel with all that hype and “traffic” and our motivation waned and we got……lazy!

The kids are rolling their eyes at this healthy living rearing its head again…..no more sugary chocolates and cakes. Its Dark chocolate covered macadamia lemon balls and Low carb, high protein meals. Yes, there is a good amount of healthy fresh veggies and fruit as well. I won the kids over with smoothies and frozen fruit for sorbet….Cannot expect them to grow up with healthy mindsets and bodies if we not prepared to be examples.

I have to say, two weeks in and a few centimeters down, I am really feeling so much better in my skin and mind. I forgot how calming it is to exercise. It gives your mind time to zone out and you just focus on the muscles and the feelings. You feel energized and motivated in more areas of life as well. Must be all the endorphins kicking off.

It does require a lot of changes in how you think, your internal self talk plays a big part in sticking to it through those tough days, where you have just had a rough day and could just chill with a glass of wine in front of the TV. I do however think that mastering the art of pep talking yourself into just doing those crunches, has an impact that will carry itself into other areas of life.

Being able to reason within yourself despite how you feel, is a tool that can serve us well when we slump into those depressive days. Where hiding would be so much easier than fighting to live. Holding on to reason and being able to implement knowledge, can enable us to move through moments that would otherwise debilitate us. Remember, emotions come and go and unless we allow them to, they cannot dictate where we head in life and what we achieve. For some of us it seems to come easy, the ability to move through an emotion, to reason and keep control. For others it is a much harder journey that requires steady support from family and friends. Keep this in mind as you walk through life, be a pillar for those struggling. If you are one that struggles, remember to reach out for support. Life is not meant to be lived alone and there is no shame in what you are dealing with.

Pic found at: https://www.lifestyleupdated.com/motivational-workout-quotes/

Heavens Strings

Time often seems so fleeting that I wonder if I have even taken a breathe let alone seen 4 weeks go by. Yet in these rare and quiet moments I can remember all those little things that have been successes or failures, the lessons as well as the motivators.

I attended a ride out to escort a young boy who was graduating. There were 18 Bikers all together for a cause. This youngster had lost his mom and his dad was trying to make the day a little more special. It was an amazing yet emotional adventure. Riding behind his car I thought of my Intellectual Thunderstorm and how he would not have this graduation event in his life. I felt honored to be able to share this moment, a mom with a son who would not graduate at the graduation of a son who’s mom was unable to be there. 

Yet even though that is the case, I know I am extremely blessed to have him still in my life.  Even though he suffers struggles and fears, I get to see him overcome and succeed.

Over the last few months I have witnessed the heartbreaking struggle of an acquaintance who lost her precious child, only 9 Years old.   Life is full of moments that put our struggles into perspective. Help us see the silver lining s in our storms.

Its those small silver linings that shine the tendrils of light into those dark days, the strings from above that we can grasp onto and hold tight till the sun peers through and our strength is rewarded.

Sun Rays

found at http://imgfave.com/view/3719038?r=pin and jmbrns.tumblr.com

 

 

 

Edge of Madness

So I have decided to embark on a list of projects that may just drive me mad.

At least you will get a front row seat if that should happen, could be interesting….

Last night we received the latest Neuropsych report for our Intellectual Thunderstorm.  I cannot say that it said anything we did not already suspect or know, however it has definitively made me realize that I am going to have to get a move on in helping him achieve his goals. Outpatient Therapies are not widely available in our fund brackets at present but we are not going to let that stop his progress. Currently he is functioning at a level of between 5 and 7 years below his actual age. The silver lining is that the areas in which he achieves an older functioning level, are those we have developed through therapies and at home support. This proves that his brain is able to learn, albeit a little slower than most.

 

In my research on Neuroplasticity, I came across information from Debbie Hampton as well as the TED talk given by Barbara-Arrowsmith Young. Reading and listening to their stories I have a renewed motivation to get as much information and start helping our Intellectual Thunderstorm overcome the blocks he has, so he can achieve his dreams. I know this is going to be a challenge worth taking.

 

So here I sit, planning and trying to sort out HOW I am going to fit it all in.

  • Research and learn Neuroplasticity
  • Finish the Book Keeping course I am doing (this will provide income hopefully to help fund further studies and therapies)
  • Research and get our veggie patch up and running (to provide food and lessen household expenses)
  •  Help the pink whirlwind re-decorate her bedroom
  • Learn DBT so I can reinforce what our Intellectual Thunderstorm has been taught in therapy
  • Find time to paint (to stave off the madness)
  • Blog (as important a release as painting)
  • Redo Motorcycle learners so can attain wind therapy for self…

The list of TO DO’s grows by the day BUT, I will make it. There is thankfully no lack of family support…..

 

Any suggestions, helpful hints and tips, or research resources any of you have, will be greatly appreciated.

And yes, that farm is still somewhere in the cards for the future…..

 

 

 

Oh No!….Aha!

So almost 5 months since I last sat here typing. Life since then has had so many “oh no!” and “aha” moments.

We have received the final diagnosis of a genetic disorder, we have moved homes, gained new friends and had to walk away from others. Chapters in Life have opened and closed.

Our Intellectual Thunderstorm sadly hit a place through all this where life became too much and he was admitted into an Adolescent In-House counselling program. He has battled through it to come out the other side a wiser and more confident person.  Some moments he so wanted to give up but he persevered through the  grueling months and we are so proud of him.

Its never easy being taken out of your comfort zone and placed into an environment where its all so different. Where you are forced to view yourself through so many mirrors. Sometimes we need to become completely undone in order to find our true selves and heal. We found the specialists involved to be so understanding and compassionate, they truly had all our best at heart. Watching him battle through in this journey was by no means easy, some days I found I wished I could just wave a wand and make it all alright. We all have new eyes towards this life we living. Some paths leave you forever changed.

Today he started a new chapter. Still with all of us behind him supporting him.

Today he went to his first day of work, new and more understanding people surrounding him with new challenges and new beginnings.

Today we stepped into Hope.

 

‘Knock outs’ and ‘Come backs’

Can’t believe we are 14 days into the new year already. It seemed set to start off as a brilliant one. Our Intellectual Thunderstorm acquired another Volunteer position at a Specialist Vet clinic and was doing great, full week. We felt sure this was the turnaround point. We read about how a school, just like what we wanting to open, has opened its doors this Jan in another province. Contacts have been made. Our efforts in finding land to start our school haven’t been going so well but with all the other pluses we were on great footing anyway.

Then today the message came through, “Sorry to have to say but due to some issues we will no longer be requiring his help”

My heart hit the floor faster than a toddler’s breakfast porridge and felt about the same. I just sat, holding back tears and thinking…. “where to now?”

Needless to say I had to go fetch him, he is naturally devastated and emotionally punishing himself, words I hate hearing flying out of his mouth. Self-damaging talk. The emotional damage and self-esteem will take time to heal, we will move forward slowly and learn from this experience. There is no better teacher than life, if we choose to learn from its lessons.

I have calmly asked what the issues were so we can address them and he can learn. Turns out it wasn’t his lack of ability in work, but rather his inability to understand the social norms and etiquette required in social interactions. This has caused the problem. Management feel he does not fit in.

We have learnt already in this life how not everyone has the ability to understand his differences and not every environment is suited to them either. We will return to the drawing board and regroup. He has a way to go and much to learn. Maybe this new school is a new door opening, if all pans out and jobs can be found that side…who knows.

My feelings at the moment are a mix of heartbroken mother and unyielding optimist. I will take a moment… and allow him his. Then we will get back to work. Opportunities knock on the doors of those who are ready to answer.

Life’s Pain and Pleasure

And here we stand, after years of fighting we are finally getting closer to the truth. The hard part…. realizing that the truth may not be all you hoped it would be but knowing it is still necessary to know.

My Intellectual Thunderstorm is causing quite a buzz in the medical circles he is involved in at present.  Myriad’s of tests have been lined up and he will be a documented case for future medical students to learn from. He is caught between feeling anxious and scared and at the same time feeling a little famous; finally his differences are being noticed not by glaring and rude kids trying to get a laugh at his expense but rather by adults with gleaming excitement in their eyes.

I’m not quite sure where I am on the scale of emotions at present.  Years of hoping that the truth would lead to a cure or treatment that would make his life better and easier for once, were shattered with the new knowledge that whichever Disorder this turns out to be, it will be a symptomatic treatment process with possible further future hurdles still to come. At the same time though, I am elated at finally having a team of passionate and heartfelt specialists who are no longer going to allow him to fall through the cracks. I know we need the answers so that no matter what the future holds we will be better prepared for it.

I hope that through our struggles, future children like him will not go so easily dismissed. That those who will learn from his medical reports and history will go out to be better Doctors with an eye for the small things and a heart that will listen to those mothers a little more closely.

We have also through all this realized the lack of educational facilities in our country for children with similar problems, this has led to our decision to start the process towards starting a support group, as well as a school, where teens like my Intellectual Thunderstorm can come to learn in an environment that celebrates their differences and understands their struggles. A small home away from home, where they can find their place in life.

For now though…. we taking a day off…. to celebrate our little Pink Whirlwinds Birthday.

Ode to the “Delinquents” mom

As a mom of a “Delinquent”, a perverse and crude term used by those who cannot understand the struggles of the tattered and beautiful souls of the children, teens and adults that struggle with a mental illness. I am writing this to salute all those moms out there who have walked the road with their precious child. I write to the moms today as here by us it’s Mothers Day. Please by no means am I excluding those fathers and guardians who walk this same road. This post is for you as well.

To the moms that have endured the sideways glances and disproving head shakes. To those who suffer the needless criticism about their lack of correct discipline. To those who have felt the sting of the Judgmental looks and comments. I salute you. I salute you for your perseverance, your unyielding love and for getting up each day and taking those steps forward. I salute you for your passion and devotion to helping your beautiful and tattered soul of a child find a future in this cruel world.

To all the loved ones that support and hold the hand of these moms… Thank You…

As a mom I was told for the first 8 years of my precious child’s life that I was being paranoid, only to be told just before his 9th birthday (thanks to a Doctor who took the time to really care) that my child had a severe abnormality in his brain. It has been another 7 years and multitudes of Doctors later and we are still looking for answers. I have grabbed at every possible opportunity and pursued every lead.  Finally we have the ember that may just light the candle that will lead us to the bright sunlight of truth and the ability to prepare fully for his future. It’s not about being hung up on a diagnosis, its about knowing a prognosis, this gives us the ability to plan and know where we headed.

To all you out there walking this hard road, I know that some days are so dark you cant see a way forward, some days feel like an endless and useless battle. I know those moments where you wonder why. You look up and wanna yell and scream. The days you wish you could give up but you love to much to do that. I know the heartache of wishing for a break but feeling so guilty for wanting it. It’s ok. Remember you’re human and when you feel alone, remember you are not. Wherever you are, those of us on that road are with you in spirit.

To the tattered and beautiful souls out there struggling to make your way in this world, we are with you too. We know the pain you feel, the rejection, the fear, the anger and confusion. We know you don’t even know half the time why you feel that way. We know it’s hard to keep a lid on your anxiety’s and fears, the anger that boils and spews. Just remember, get up each day, do your part and participate with the doctors. One day there will be light, there IS a future and you are not alone.

To those watching, PLEASE, don’t be so quick to judge. Yes some people out there are just mean, arrogant and lazy, but others are struggling with a disorder or an illness you just cannot see. Just because someone looks healthy and “normal” doesn’t mean there isn’t a hidden issue, and trust me, a parent that has a child suffering has read every book they can get their hands on, they have tried all the parenting strategies and discipline possibilities. Think how you battled to deal with “that child” for the few moments you spent with them, imagine living with them….do you not think that parent hasn’t exhausted every method possible to help their child as they have to live with them?

Stay strong and keep putting each foot in front of the other. I am with you and I know one day things will be ok.

 

 

 

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