Shazzies Creations

From heart to Art… My world on a page

Tag: struggles

Today’s not the Today I planned

Today I was meant to be sharing joyful news. Today was meant to be a happy moment of telling the world that Bearded Biker and I would be having our first baby together, but sometimes our Todays dont go the way we plan them and life rewrites our Todays with tears.

So Today, I am telling you Lifes version of my Today, we lost our little New beginning.

Reasons why are not available to us at the moment but since it is now my third miscarraige, the Obgyn has decided blood tests to rule out an Autoimmune Diesease are now nessecary. I find myself in a catch 22 – I in no way want to be diagnosed and live with that prognosis but on the other side of the coin, to have an actual reason behind having to have three precious Dreams become Fairy Tales would bring some closure.

We thankfully have an amazing support system around us and are holding onto our Faith that All things work for our good, even in our moments of not knowing the why’s, we hold fast to that. In this new road we find ourselves travelling we will watch for those we may encounter whose lives will enrich ours and whose lives we can enrich. Be it through the comfort of a shared Journey or the support we can give wherever it is needed.

We go through things in life that we cannot always understand or explain. Things that knock us down and tear us apart, through these events though we grow and find strength we didn’t know we possessed. We gain knowledge and wisdom that further down our journey in life we can use, whether it be in our own lives or in the lives of those brought into our story.

 

Found @
https://peacefuldiary.com/products/grow-through-what-you-go-through

Found @ http://www.picturequotes.com/when-something-bad-happens-you-can-either-let-it-define-you-let-it-destroy-you-or-you-can-let-it-strengthen-you-quote-9573

So I start….again….

So I have decided to attempt to be healthy and fit again. Funny how we can be so absorbed with a course of action that it becomes a huge part of life, then poof! Life takes a turn and you blink and four years have gone by and you have not exercised and you are a whole dress size bigger……

Believe it or not, four years ago I had the beginnings of six pack definition and Bearded Biker and I were really living the healthy lifestyle. Then our gym closed, life was never the same. We had a quiet gym we attended that was in a small shopping complex. We adored that gym. No queues at the equipment and and no water fountain circuit users. It was just serious gymers who got in, worked hard and got out. We tried other gyms, we just did not gel with all that hype and “traffic” and our motivation waned and we got……lazy!

The kids are rolling their eyes at this healthy living rearing its head again…..no more sugary chocolates and cakes. Its Dark chocolate covered macadamia lemon balls and Low carb, high protein meals. Yes, there is a good amount of healthy fresh veggies and fruit as well. I won the kids over with smoothies and frozen fruit for sorbet….Cannot expect them to grow up with healthy mindsets and bodies if we not prepared to be examples.

I have to say, two weeks in and a few centimeters down, I am really feeling so much better in my skin and mind. I forgot how calming it is to exercise. It gives your mind time to zone out and you just focus on the muscles and the feelings. You feel energized and motivated in more areas of life as well. Must be all the endorphins kicking off.

It does require a lot of changes in how you think, your internal self talk plays a big part in sticking to it through those tough days, where you have just had a rough day and could just chill with a glass of wine in front of the TV. I do however think that mastering the art of pep talking yourself into just doing those crunches, has an impact that will carry itself into other areas of life.

Being able to reason within yourself despite how you feel, is a tool that can serve us well when we slump into those depressive days. Where hiding would be so much easier than fighting to live. Holding on to reason and being able to implement knowledge, can enable us to move through moments that would otherwise debilitate us. Remember, emotions come and go and unless we allow them to, they cannot dictate where we head in life and what we achieve. For some of us it seems to come easy, the ability to move through an emotion, to reason and keep control. For others it is a much harder journey that requires steady support from family and friends. Keep this in mind as you walk through life, be a pillar for those struggling. If you are one that struggles, remember to reach out for support. Life is not meant to be lived alone and there is no shame in what you are dealing with.

Pic found at: https://www.lifestyleupdated.com/motivational-workout-quotes/

At long last

More than a year since I sat and typed on here. It seems like just the blink of an eye, yet looking back, so much has happened in that one blink that it could almost be a lifetime.

Bearded Biker and I tied the proverbial knot in a small, intimate wedding with just immediate family and our closest friends. Blessed with a beautiful Autumn day spent under the trees by the riverside.

I will say that hand making 130 flowers out of old novels was painstaking and blister forming… but…. the result of standing back on the morning of and seeing the hard work all put together was well worth it.

I even got treated to an old fashioned Honeymoon tradition, I had no idea where we were headed off to until we got to the Airport check in… and neither did anyone else besides Bearded Biker and the travel agent……Bali was beautiful.

We ran a fun competition for family and friends where we posted to a wedding blog everyday, first to guess the destination won a prize. Took five days for the correct guess. Was so much fun seeing where everyone thought we were.

There have been Job losses and Job changes through this past year for all 3 of us graced with age. Bearded Biker had the rollercaoster joy of retrencment and contract work to finally settling in well in his new position at a small company, with an owner that has time and care for both his business and those in his employ.

I have moved on from one bookkeeping position to what was meant to be another. Whether the change was good or bad all depends on ones view of the situation. I choose to look at it that me doing work far from actual bookkeeping, (although at times it has been daunting and caused some sleepless nights) I am gaining a wealth of knowledge and experience. Sometimes the knowledge is not always the knowledge I wanted… but part and parcel in life.

The Intellectual Thunderstorm acquired a volunteer position in an Assisted Living home, unfortunately he fell ill and was admitted to hospital. What was to be a routine appendix removal turned into a 3 ½ Hour wait for me in the hospital room, wondering what had happened.

He was finally wheeled into the room where the Doctor proceeded to explain to me how his Appendix was absolutely healthy, however they had discovered upon further investigating that he had A Meckel’s Diverticulum. It was removed and at least now it cannot cause any further harm, as it had been leaking acid into his abdominal area.

He has since decided, after much debate, that the Assisted Living Facility work is not where he wants to be in his future and has started learning Renovation skills instead, building a portfolio for a future Business of his own.

As much as his heart was compassionate to the elderly and disabled, he found it hard to interact and understand the social world and work politics of his co-workers. At least tools can’t give you mixed signals and argue with you……

Our Pink Whirlwind spent her year hard at work in her books and studies. It was not all smooth sailing, she is a vat of unending energy and imagination coupled with quite a strong will. (and thankfully does not have ADHD. She was tested. Turns out she is just rather clever and gets bored with the work.) She achieved Honour Roll as well as 3 other awards that now hang on her wall. I think she has seen the bright side to all that hard work.

Raising them is a daily challenge and we are learning the skills to “Outwit” their antics. Sometimes watching them use their intelligence to get out of doing things can be both amusing and heartily frustrating. We will choose to be flattered that God feels we can handle, and raise these two unique and beautiful humans without damaging their Souls and personalities. We trust Him daily to help us navigate it all.

There are so many more stories I could share from our past year. I am sure we have all had a year filled with ups and downs. I just hope you can look back and see, in those low moments you had, a glimmer of a silver lining that can become a beacon of growth and strength that will help you navigate the challenging days that still lie ahead.

Just a Day

This week I hit a day where ‘Giving Up’ seemed to be my minds mantra. I just ran out of steam and even simple thought processing was a chore. I was the epitome of the ‘hormonal’  woman. Tears seemed to want to leak out at every turn and my doomsday nerve thought it needed to be heard and exercised.  My body and mind were exhausted. I spent the day reading a novel and escaping my own thoughts as best I could.

By the end of the day I battled feelings of failure. As to me, nothing productive had been accomplished. The next morning I awoke as usual, blessed to have opened my eyes to the start of another day, filled with the presence of my loved ones and to the realization that I had not failed the day before. I had succeeded in giving myself and my body what it needed. I day to just be. To breath and to heal from the pressures our daily lives put us through.

I think we too often forget to listen to the signals our own minds and bodies send us. We motor forward at break neck speeds fearing not getting done. When taking a break and looking after ourselves is just as important as that next deadline.

I am glad I did stop for a moment. I am glad I allowed myself that one day of ‘giving up’, of letting go and finding a way to divert my mind. For life is full of mountains and hills. If it weren’t for that one day, I would not have had the strength to see the rest of this week through effectively.

look-after-yourself

One foot forward

Some days ‘schooling’ us all is a life lesson in patience and perseverance. I may just land up Virtues one day…..scary thought…

Currently the Intellectual thunderstorm is doing his utmost to avoid his OT homework, he has an indefinite amount of excuses and for every solution there is another excuse. At least we know he is currently using his intellectual abilities, albeit in the wrong direction. He has at least agreed to some slow and steady, a little here and a little there…progress. I know he finds self-reflection hard as it brings up so many emotional soft spots for him.

The pink whirlwind is either exceptionally bored with her work or she may be suffering from a concentration issues. We going to have to look into that. At present she seems to feel the need to ‘fake’ actually getting done, even though she knows it gets checked….never have understood the concept of voluntarily getting yourself into trouble. I would have said she may be looking for attention but we are doing a lot together lately to try stave that possibility off.

I….am feeling Information overload! I am going to have to deal though. I have just four months left to complete this ‘Business Fundamentals’ course. As much as it feels like info overload I am pretty sure it is more the fact that it is not my favorite topic. Although it will be highly beneficial for all the future projects we have lined up, so I will persevere and get done.

We have some great stuff lined up though, we have booked for a charity market stall at the end of October, the Intellectual Thunderstorm is slowly creating some artworks to sell, as am I. It feels really great to get back into my art. Nothing better than smudgy pastel ridden fingers and creativity blooming under your thumb. Will post some pictures of our work soon. The Pink Whirlwind is currently looking for great Dog Treat Recipes (She is testing them on the new member of our family, our rescue pup) so she can sell some nutritious Doggy Treats at the market. Cooking has become her favorite past time of late. I have to say in terms of the ‘Human Food’ she most definitely has a talent. Our lovable Biker Babe is motivating us all on and pitching in where he can.

I have also started a new contract job, brings in enough to cover expenses for now and allows me free time for the brood and for myself…..and….I finally started writing my book, it has taken 3 years to actually start it but I am really proud to say I have.

My favorite  happening at the moment though is our garden. Must be because we were without one for so long. Our peaches have arrived and are growing, the fig tree has woken up and our Mulberry tree is heavy with both fruit and weaver birds nests. The garden is alive with singing and new beginnings. The Pink Whirlwind is in awe every day with the new things she sees. The vegetable seeds have not sprouted yet, so I think I went wrong somewhere there and I definitely did kill those poor rose bushes. Bearded Biker kindly got me some seedlings to plant so my vegetable patch would not look so bare, thankfully those are surviving my beginners hands.

And as much as life gets tough and we have to some days pick our feet up with our hands and get moving, the results will be worth the effort.

One of our little sprouts....

One of our little sprouts….

Oh No!….Aha!

So almost 5 months since I last sat here typing. Life since then has had so many “oh no!” and “aha” moments.

We have received the final diagnosis of a genetic disorder, we have moved homes, gained new friends and had to walk away from others. Chapters in Life have opened and closed.

Our Intellectual Thunderstorm sadly hit a place through all this where life became too much and he was admitted into an Adolescent In-House counselling program. He has battled through it to come out the other side a wiser and more confident person.  Some moments he so wanted to give up but he persevered through the  grueling months and we are so proud of him.

Its never easy being taken out of your comfort zone and placed into an environment where its all so different. Where you are forced to view yourself through so many mirrors. Sometimes we need to become completely undone in order to find our true selves and heal. We found the specialists involved to be so understanding and compassionate, they truly had all our best at heart. Watching him battle through in this journey was by no means easy, some days I found I wished I could just wave a wand and make it all alright. We all have new eyes towards this life we living. Some paths leave you forever changed.

Today he started a new chapter. Still with all of us behind him supporting him.

Today he went to his first day of work, new and more understanding people surrounding him with new challenges and new beginnings.

Today we stepped into Hope.

 

The Little Things

It’s been quite a hectic last couple of weeks. Life has spun by at an alarming rate with Doctors visits, bouts of illness and work drama’s. All typical of life.  After a ‘catch up’ session with a friend the other day I was asked how am I still standing. I realized its not something I have ever thought about. I just get up and do, there isn’t really any other option. So I have been thinking, what is it that helps me to keep moving forward instead of just ‘checking out’ so to say.

While taking a little break from it all the other day (I was painting my very sweet ‘wizard’ elf I got for Mothers Day) my daughter sat beside me and said, ‘I think Bearded Biker is the best man ever mom, he is lovable, caring,  funny and always tells the truth’ A point I know and will always cherish but to hear it from the innocent mouth of a child and to know she feels that way is a pleasure. I have to credit him for always being there to give me a hand on those days when the ‘get up and go’ is a little harder to do. Also, as much as my son is having this struggle and its been a battle for years to find answers, I take comfort in the little steps, we may not be there yet but we are closer than ever before. (Here I need to add that as much as some belittle the government hospitals and care here, there truly are passionate and caring doctors and nurses working in these places, so far the best care and willingness to help and find the answers has been from these precious people.) My daughter is healthy and full of spark and where before life seemed peachy on the outside, it was devoid of true friendship and emotional safety; Now we have a home, not a mansion filled with things but a home, walls and a roof filled with loving people.

So I guess the main aspect for me that works is trying to focus on the little things in life that are right, those small things that we might miss or lose sight of in the efforts to keep our  heads above the water. I find that dwelling on the hurdles in front of us lends itself to us falling down, they seem larger than they really are. Instead aim your sites on the end goal, the finish line if you will. Keeping the hurdles in view but not your main focus allows the mind to see the bigger picture, you can plan better and have more room to breathe. Remember how far you have come and all you have already accomplished, no matter how small the victory, it’s still that…. a Victory. Instead of sitting at night counting all the wrong and downer things that have happened or the things we didn’t get done, list the small steps you made towards the end goal and if you sitting there saying ‘It didn’t work out!’ remember, at least you tried! That’s a step forward too.

PicsArt_1432133916359

 

© 2019 Shazzies Creations

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑