Shazzies Creations

From heart to Art… My world on a page

Tag: strength

Today’s not the Today I planned

Today I was meant to be sharing joyful news. Today was meant to be a happy moment of telling the world that Bearded Biker and I would be having our first baby together, but sometimes our Todays dont go the way we plan them and life rewrites our Todays with tears.

So Today, I am telling you Lifes version of my Today, we lost our little New beginning.

Reasons why are not available to us at the moment but since it is now my third miscarraige, the Obgyn has decided blood tests to rule out an Autoimmune Diesease are now nessecary. I find myself in a catch 22 – I in no way want to be diagnosed and live with that prognosis but on the other side of the coin, to have an actual reason behind having to have three precious Dreams become Fairy Tales would bring some closure.

We thankfully have an amazing support system around us and are holding onto our Faith that All things work for our good, even in our moments of not knowing the why’s, we hold fast to that. In this new road we find ourselves travelling we will watch for those we may encounter whose lives will enrich ours and whose lives we can enrich. Be it through the comfort of a shared Journey or the support we can give wherever it is needed.

We go through things in life that we cannot always understand or explain. Things that knock us down and tear us apart, through these events though we grow and find strength we didn’t know we possessed. We gain knowledge and wisdom that further down our journey in life we can use, whether it be in our own lives or in the lives of those brought into our story.

 

Found @
https://peacefuldiary.com/products/grow-through-what-you-go-through

Found @ http://www.picturequotes.com/when-something-bad-happens-you-can-either-let-it-define-you-let-it-destroy-you-or-you-can-let-it-strengthen-you-quote-9573

So I start….again….

So I have decided to attempt to be healthy and fit again. Funny how we can be so absorbed with a course of action that it becomes a huge part of life, then poof! Life takes a turn and you blink and four years have gone by and you have not exercised and you are a whole dress size bigger……

Believe it or not, four years ago I had the beginnings of six pack definition and Bearded Biker and I were really living the healthy lifestyle. Then our gym closed, life was never the same. We had a quiet gym we attended that was in a small shopping complex. We adored that gym. No queues at the equipment and and no water fountain circuit users. It was just serious gymers who got in, worked hard and got out. We tried other gyms, we just did not gel with all that hype and “traffic” and our motivation waned and we got……lazy!

The kids are rolling their eyes at this healthy living rearing its head again…..no more sugary chocolates and cakes. Its Dark chocolate covered macadamia lemon balls and Low carb, high protein meals. Yes, there is a good amount of healthy fresh veggies and fruit as well. I won the kids over with smoothies and frozen fruit for sorbet….Cannot expect them to grow up with healthy mindsets and bodies if we not prepared to be examples.

I have to say, two weeks in and a few centimeters down, I am really feeling so much better in my skin and mind. I forgot how calming it is to exercise. It gives your mind time to zone out and you just focus on the muscles and the feelings. You feel energized and motivated in more areas of life as well. Must be all the endorphins kicking off.

It does require a lot of changes in how you think, your internal self talk plays a big part in sticking to it through those tough days, where you have just had a rough day and could just chill with a glass of wine in front of the TV. I do however think that mastering the art of pep talking yourself into just doing those crunches, has an impact that will carry itself into other areas of life.

Being able to reason within yourself despite how you feel, is a tool that can serve us well when we slump into those depressive days. Where hiding would be so much easier than fighting to live. Holding on to reason and being able to implement knowledge, can enable us to move through moments that would otherwise debilitate us. Remember, emotions come and go and unless we allow them to, they cannot dictate where we head in life and what we achieve. For some of us it seems to come easy, the ability to move through an emotion, to reason and keep control. For others it is a much harder journey that requires steady support from family and friends. Keep this in mind as you walk through life, be a pillar for those struggling. If you are one that struggles, remember to reach out for support. Life is not meant to be lived alone and there is no shame in what you are dealing with.

Pic found at: https://www.lifestyleupdated.com/motivational-workout-quotes/

Chapters

It is amazing how our lives are filled with chapters, each with its own unique feel, yet all fitting together to complete the book of our life story.

I know, the phrase is not an uncommon one in all circles, from Pinterest posts to poems.

As common as it is though…. it is so true. I am sure those who do not like to read could say that one season has come to an end in the series of their life’s story. However you choose to state it, the fact remains, we all live and experience phases of life that start and end, leaving behind memories and lessons…..sometimes heartaches.

This past two weeks has brought to a close a few of those chapters in my life as well as Bearded Bikers and his family.

For me, I am no longer a Bookkeeper. After many points to consider we decided that the cons outweighed the pros in that line of work in our lives, and we have decided that I will now take the leap, a scary yet exhilarating one, and focus on my art and writing. A new business venture is being plotted and soon we will launch. Crossing fingers, toes and hair strands with loads of prayer and hard work that all will pan out. I will reveal all as soon as its ready for the spotlight.

For Bearded Biker and his family, the chapter closed with tears and sweet goodbyes. They bid farewell to their Ouma/ Avó/Gran. She will be remembered in cherished memories held in their hearts. The kids and I did not know her long but she spoke often of Portugal and the boats on the bay there, we have a few sweet memories to cherish as well. The sweet side of the “goodbye” was the “hello’s” that the family got to say to those who came from far. Moments shared around the fire after, with glasses of wine and stories to tell.

Wherever you are in your life. Be it the beginning, middle or end of a chapter. I trust you remember to take time to make memories, to learn and grow, but most of all……to find the joy in each day.

Heavens Strings

Time often seems so fleeting that I wonder if I have even taken a breathe let alone seen 4 weeks go by. Yet in these rare and quiet moments I can remember all those little things that have been successes or failures, the lessons as well as the motivators.

I attended a ride out to escort a young boy who was graduating. There were 18 Bikers all together for a cause. This youngster had lost his mom and his dad was trying to make the day a little more special. It was an amazing yet emotional adventure. Riding behind his car I thought of my Intellectual Thunderstorm and how he would not have this graduation event in his life. I felt honored to be able to share this moment, a mom with a son who would not graduate at the graduation of a son who’s mom was unable to be there. 

Yet even though that is the case, I know I am extremely blessed to have him still in my life.  Even though he suffers struggles and fears, I get to see him overcome and succeed.

Over the last few months I have witnessed the heartbreaking struggle of an acquaintance who lost her precious child, only 9 Years old.   Life is full of moments that put our struggles into perspective. Help us see the silver lining s in our storms.

Its those small silver linings that shine the tendrils of light into those dark days, the strings from above that we can grasp onto and hold tight till the sun peers through and our strength is rewarded.

Sun Rays

found at http://imgfave.com/view/3719038?r=pin and jmbrns.tumblr.com

 

 

 

Just a Day

This week I hit a day where ‘Giving Up’ seemed to be my minds mantra. I just ran out of steam and even simple thought processing was a chore. I was the epitome of the ‘hormonal’  woman. Tears seemed to want to leak out at every turn and my doomsday nerve thought it needed to be heard and exercised.  My body and mind were exhausted. I spent the day reading a novel and escaping my own thoughts as best I could.

By the end of the day I battled feelings of failure. As to me, nothing productive had been accomplished. The next morning I awoke as usual, blessed to have opened my eyes to the start of another day, filled with the presence of my loved ones and to the realization that I had not failed the day before. I had succeeded in giving myself and my body what it needed. I day to just be. To breath and to heal from the pressures our daily lives put us through.

I think we too often forget to listen to the signals our own minds and bodies send us. We motor forward at break neck speeds fearing not getting done. When taking a break and looking after ourselves is just as important as that next deadline.

I am glad I did stop for a moment. I am glad I allowed myself that one day of ‘giving up’, of letting go and finding a way to divert my mind. For life is full of mountains and hills. If it weren’t for that one day, I would not have had the strength to see the rest of this week through effectively.

look-after-yourself

One foot forward

Some days ‘schooling’ us all is a life lesson in patience and perseverance. I may just land up Virtues one day…..scary thought…

Currently the Intellectual thunderstorm is doing his utmost to avoid his OT homework, he has an indefinite amount of excuses and for every solution there is another excuse. At least we know he is currently using his intellectual abilities, albeit in the wrong direction. He has at least agreed to some slow and steady, a little here and a little there…progress. I know he finds self-reflection hard as it brings up so many emotional soft spots for him.

The pink whirlwind is either exceptionally bored with her work or she may be suffering from a concentration issues. We going to have to look into that. At present she seems to feel the need to ‘fake’ actually getting done, even though she knows it gets checked….never have understood the concept of voluntarily getting yourself into trouble. I would have said she may be looking for attention but we are doing a lot together lately to try stave that possibility off.

I….am feeling Information overload! I am going to have to deal though. I have just four months left to complete this ‘Business Fundamentals’ course. As much as it feels like info overload I am pretty sure it is more the fact that it is not my favorite topic. Although it will be highly beneficial for all the future projects we have lined up, so I will persevere and get done.

We have some great stuff lined up though, we have booked for a charity market stall at the end of October, the Intellectual Thunderstorm is slowly creating some artworks to sell, as am I. It feels really great to get back into my art. Nothing better than smudgy pastel ridden fingers and creativity blooming under your thumb. Will post some pictures of our work soon. The Pink Whirlwind is currently looking for great Dog Treat Recipes (She is testing them on the new member of our family, our rescue pup) so she can sell some nutritious Doggy Treats at the market. Cooking has become her favorite past time of late. I have to say in terms of the ‘Human Food’ she most definitely has a talent. Our lovable Biker Babe is motivating us all on and pitching in where he can.

I have also started a new contract job, brings in enough to cover expenses for now and allows me free time for the brood and for myself…..and….I finally started writing my book, it has taken 3 years to actually start it but I am really proud to say I have.

My favorite  happening at the moment though is our garden. Must be because we were without one for so long. Our peaches have arrived and are growing, the fig tree has woken up and our Mulberry tree is heavy with both fruit and weaver birds nests. The garden is alive with singing and new beginnings. The Pink Whirlwind is in awe every day with the new things she sees. The vegetable seeds have not sprouted yet, so I think I went wrong somewhere there and I definitely did kill those poor rose bushes. Bearded Biker kindly got me some seedlings to plant so my vegetable patch would not look so bare, thankfully those are surviving my beginners hands.

And as much as life gets tough and we have to some days pick our feet up with our hands and get moving, the results will be worth the effort.

One of our little sprouts....

One of our little sprouts….

Oh No!….Aha!

So almost 5 months since I last sat here typing. Life since then has had so many “oh no!” and “aha” moments.

We have received the final diagnosis of a genetic disorder, we have moved homes, gained new friends and had to walk away from others. Chapters in Life have opened and closed.

Our Intellectual Thunderstorm sadly hit a place through all this where life became too much and he was admitted into an Adolescent In-House counselling program. He has battled through it to come out the other side a wiser and more confident person.  Some moments he so wanted to give up but he persevered through the  grueling months and we are so proud of him.

Its never easy being taken out of your comfort zone and placed into an environment where its all so different. Where you are forced to view yourself through so many mirrors. Sometimes we need to become completely undone in order to find our true selves and heal. We found the specialists involved to be so understanding and compassionate, they truly had all our best at heart. Watching him battle through in this journey was by no means easy, some days I found I wished I could just wave a wand and make it all alright. We all have new eyes towards this life we living. Some paths leave you forever changed.

Today he started a new chapter. Still with all of us behind him supporting him.

Today he went to his first day of work, new and more understanding people surrounding him with new challenges and new beginnings.

Today we stepped into Hope.

 

Ode to the “Delinquents” mom

As a mom of a “Delinquent”, a perverse and crude term used by those who cannot understand the struggles of the tattered and beautiful souls of the children, teens and adults that struggle with a mental illness. I am writing this to salute all those moms out there who have walked the road with their precious child. I write to the moms today as here by us it’s Mothers Day. Please by no means am I excluding those fathers and guardians who walk this same road. This post is for you as well.

To the moms that have endured the sideways glances and disproving head shakes. To those who suffer the needless criticism about their lack of correct discipline. To those who have felt the sting of the Judgmental looks and comments. I salute you. I salute you for your perseverance, your unyielding love and for getting up each day and taking those steps forward. I salute you for your passion and devotion to helping your beautiful and tattered soul of a child find a future in this cruel world.

To all the loved ones that support and hold the hand of these moms… Thank You…

As a mom I was told for the first 8 years of my precious child’s life that I was being paranoid, only to be told just before his 9th birthday (thanks to a Doctor who took the time to really care) that my child had a severe abnormality in his brain. It has been another 7 years and multitudes of Doctors later and we are still looking for answers. I have grabbed at every possible opportunity and pursued every lead.  Finally we have the ember that may just light the candle that will lead us to the bright sunlight of truth and the ability to prepare fully for his future. It’s not about being hung up on a diagnosis, its about knowing a prognosis, this gives us the ability to plan and know where we headed.

To all you out there walking this hard road, I know that some days are so dark you cant see a way forward, some days feel like an endless and useless battle. I know those moments where you wonder why. You look up and wanna yell and scream. The days you wish you could give up but you love to much to do that. I know the heartache of wishing for a break but feeling so guilty for wanting it. It’s ok. Remember you’re human and when you feel alone, remember you are not. Wherever you are, those of us on that road are with you in spirit.

To the tattered and beautiful souls out there struggling to make your way in this world, we are with you too. We know the pain you feel, the rejection, the fear, the anger and confusion. We know you don’t even know half the time why you feel that way. We know it’s hard to keep a lid on your anxiety’s and fears, the anger that boils and spews. Just remember, get up each day, do your part and participate with the doctors. One day there will be light, there IS a future and you are not alone.

To those watching, PLEASE, don’t be so quick to judge. Yes some people out there are just mean, arrogant and lazy, but others are struggling with a disorder or an illness you just cannot see. Just because someone looks healthy and “normal” doesn’t mean there isn’t a hidden issue, and trust me, a parent that has a child suffering has read every book they can get their hands on, they have tried all the parenting strategies and discipline possibilities. Think how you battled to deal with “that child” for the few moments you spent with them, imagine living with them….do you not think that parent hasn’t exhausted every method possible to help their child as they have to live with them?

Stay strong and keep putting each foot in front of the other. I am with you and I know one day things will be ok.

 

 

 

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