Shazzies Creations

From heart to Art… My world on a page

Tag: perseverance (page 1 of 2)

Today’s not the Today I planned

Today I was meant to be sharing joyful news. Today was meant to be a happy moment of telling the world that Bearded Biker and I would be having our first baby together, but sometimes our Todays dont go the way we plan them and life rewrites our Todays with tears.

So Today, I am telling you Lifes version of my Today, we lost our little New beginning.

Reasons why are not available to us at the moment but since it is now my third miscarraige, the Obgyn has decided blood tests to rule out an Autoimmune Diesease are now nessecary. I find myself in a catch 22 – I in no way want to be diagnosed and live with that prognosis but on the other side of the coin, to have an actual reason behind having to have three precious Dreams become Fairy Tales would bring some closure.

We thankfully have an amazing support system around us and are holding onto our Faith that All things work for our good, even in our moments of not knowing the why’s, we hold fast to that. In this new road we find ourselves travelling we will watch for those we may encounter whose lives will enrich ours and whose lives we can enrich. Be it through the comfort of a shared Journey or the support we can give wherever it is needed.

We go through things in life that we cannot always understand or explain. Things that knock us down and tear us apart, through these events though we grow and find strength we didn’t know we possessed. We gain knowledge and wisdom that further down our journey in life we can use, whether it be in our own lives or in the lives of those brought into our story.

 

Found @
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Found @ http://www.picturequotes.com/when-something-bad-happens-you-can-either-let-it-define-you-let-it-destroy-you-or-you-can-let-it-strengthen-you-quote-9573

So I start….again….

So I have decided to attempt to be healthy and fit again. Funny how we can be so absorbed with a course of action that it becomes a huge part of life, then poof! Life takes a turn and you blink and four years have gone by and you have not exercised and you are a whole dress size bigger……

Believe it or not, four years ago I had the beginnings of six pack definition and Bearded Biker and I were really living the healthy lifestyle. Then our gym closed, life was never the same. We had a quiet gym we attended that was in a small shopping complex. We adored that gym. No queues at the equipment and and no water fountain circuit users. It was just serious gymers who got in, worked hard and got out. We tried other gyms, we just did not gel with all that hype and “traffic” and our motivation waned and we got……lazy!

The kids are rolling their eyes at this healthy living rearing its head again…..no more sugary chocolates and cakes. Its Dark chocolate covered macadamia lemon balls and Low carb, high protein meals. Yes, there is a good amount of healthy fresh veggies and fruit as well. I won the kids over with smoothies and frozen fruit for sorbet….Cannot expect them to grow up with healthy mindsets and bodies if we not prepared to be examples.

I have to say, two weeks in and a few centimeters down, I am really feeling so much better in my skin and mind. I forgot how calming it is to exercise. It gives your mind time to zone out and you just focus on the muscles and the feelings. You feel energized and motivated in more areas of life as well. Must be all the endorphins kicking off.

It does require a lot of changes in how you think, your internal self talk plays a big part in sticking to it through those tough days, where you have just had a rough day and could just chill with a glass of wine in front of the TV. I do however think that mastering the art of pep talking yourself into just doing those crunches, has an impact that will carry itself into other areas of life.

Being able to reason within yourself despite how you feel, is a tool that can serve us well when we slump into those depressive days. Where hiding would be so much easier than fighting to live. Holding on to reason and being able to implement knowledge, can enable us to move through moments that would otherwise debilitate us. Remember, emotions come and go and unless we allow them to, they cannot dictate where we head in life and what we achieve. For some of us it seems to come easy, the ability to move through an emotion, to reason and keep control. For others it is a much harder journey that requires steady support from family and friends. Keep this in mind as you walk through life, be a pillar for those struggling. If you are one that struggles, remember to reach out for support. Life is not meant to be lived alone and there is no shame in what you are dealing with.

Pic found at: https://www.lifestyleupdated.com/motivational-workout-quotes/

Chapters

It is amazing how our lives are filled with chapters, each with its own unique feel, yet all fitting together to complete the book of our life story.

I know, the phrase is not an uncommon one in all circles, from Pinterest posts to poems.

As common as it is though…. it is so true. I am sure those who do not like to read could say that one season has come to an end in the series of their life’s story. However you choose to state it, the fact remains, we all live and experience phases of life that start and end, leaving behind memories and lessons…..sometimes heartaches.

This past two weeks has brought to a close a few of those chapters in my life as well as Bearded Bikers and his family.

For me, I am no longer a Bookkeeper. After many points to consider we decided that the cons outweighed the pros in that line of work in our lives, and we have decided that I will now take the leap, a scary yet exhilarating one, and focus on my art and writing. A new business venture is being plotted and soon we will launch. Crossing fingers, toes and hair strands with loads of prayer and hard work that all will pan out. I will reveal all as soon as its ready for the spotlight.

For Bearded Biker and his family, the chapter closed with tears and sweet goodbyes. They bid farewell to their Ouma/ Avó/Gran. She will be remembered in cherished memories held in their hearts. The kids and I did not know her long but she spoke often of Portugal and the boats on the bay there, we have a few sweet memories to cherish as well. The sweet side of the “goodbye” was the “hello’s” that the family got to say to those who came from far. Moments shared around the fire after, with glasses of wine and stories to tell.

Wherever you are in your life. Be it the beginning, middle or end of a chapter. I trust you remember to take time to make memories, to learn and grow, but most of all……to find the joy in each day.

Heavens Strings

Time often seems so fleeting that I wonder if I have even taken a breathe let alone seen 4 weeks go by. Yet in these rare and quiet moments I can remember all those little things that have been successes or failures, the lessons as well as the motivators.

I attended a ride out to escort a young boy who was graduating. There were 18 Bikers all together for a cause. This youngster had lost his mom and his dad was trying to make the day a little more special. It was an amazing yet emotional adventure. Riding behind his car I thought of my Intellectual Thunderstorm and how he would not have this graduation event in his life. I felt honored to be able to share this moment, a mom with a son who would not graduate at the graduation of a son who’s mom was unable to be there. 

Yet even though that is the case, I know I am extremely blessed to have him still in my life.  Even though he suffers struggles and fears, I get to see him overcome and succeed.

Over the last few months I have witnessed the heartbreaking struggle of an acquaintance who lost her precious child, only 9 Years old.   Life is full of moments that put our struggles into perspective. Help us see the silver lining s in our storms.

Its those small silver linings that shine the tendrils of light into those dark days, the strings from above that we can grasp onto and hold tight till the sun peers through and our strength is rewarded.

Sun Rays

found at http://imgfave.com/view/3719038?r=pin and jmbrns.tumblr.com

 

 

 

Just a Day

This week I hit a day where ‘Giving Up’ seemed to be my minds mantra. I just ran out of steam and even simple thought processing was a chore. I was the epitome of the ‘hormonal’  woman. Tears seemed to want to leak out at every turn and my doomsday nerve thought it needed to be heard and exercised.  My body and mind were exhausted. I spent the day reading a novel and escaping my own thoughts as best I could.

By the end of the day I battled feelings of failure. As to me, nothing productive had been accomplished. The next morning I awoke as usual, blessed to have opened my eyes to the start of another day, filled with the presence of my loved ones and to the realization that I had not failed the day before. I had succeeded in giving myself and my body what it needed. I day to just be. To breath and to heal from the pressures our daily lives put us through.

I think we too often forget to listen to the signals our own minds and bodies send us. We motor forward at break neck speeds fearing not getting done. When taking a break and looking after ourselves is just as important as that next deadline.

I am glad I did stop for a moment. I am glad I allowed myself that one day of ‘giving up’, of letting go and finding a way to divert my mind. For life is full of mountains and hills. If it weren’t for that one day, I would not have had the strength to see the rest of this week through effectively.

look-after-yourself

Breathe

My head has been spinning lately. I actually don’t even have a plan on this post. I am just sitting here writing as it comes.

This last two weeks have been a bit of a blur with us all getting flu and still trying to get done whats needed. The paperwork involved with getting our application in at Social Services for the Intellectual Thunderstorms grant is immense. It has been one queue after another but we are on the home stretch…..I hope….

While chatting to some ladies at the Stables this last week, it was discovered that we all have similar thoughts and passion for starting a vocational center. They are in negotiations to secure space but were lacking the individuals to run the center, talks about getting things up and running will be scheduled soon. Amazing how when you stay the course the right people eventually land in your path.

on another note, I think I may have killed my rose bushes though, although someone suggested they may just be throwing a tantrum cause I moved their feet to a new location..in my defense I did google and tried to do it in the right month. The surprise freeze over cold front that hit us was not in the game plan. My seedlings have yet to poke their little heads above the warm soil. I am holding thumbs they will, while wishing that having ‘green fingers’ was as easy as simply painting them, but we will keep persevering. One ray of gardening hope is staring at me through my kitchen window, tiny little pink blossoms are appearing on our most ancient of peach trees.

Tomorrow the Intellectual Thunderstorm turns another year older, his childlike exuberance at this fact is contagious. The pink Whirlwind is all set to bake cupcakes for him to take to work in the morning. Outside the world is buzzing with life.

Me….I am just sitting here, soup in hand, mind wondering and having a breather.

 

breathe

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“1..2..Buckle my shoe..”

Baby steps….I believe its all about the little steps forward that dictate progress and success.

We cannot ‘High Speed’ chase it to the finish line without the small steps of planning and preparation and expect a quality outcome. Even MotoGP Riders study the track, learn the bike and its ‘personality’. Spending days practicing before they partake in the High Speed Race to a win.

So in lieu of my belief above, I am taking solace in our baby steps. Progress has been small in the last 9 days but it is progress. I may only manage to study for 45 minutes in a day (Bookkeeping is not my dream job, in fact its kind of mind numbing for me) but it is 45 minutes closer everyday to a finish. Rather 45 minutes of quality study than hours and nothing learnt. I may stop every 2 steps and take a breather but I do move again. The veggie seeds are planted and I have my next painting mapped out, research on Neuroplasticity is going a bit slower.Bearded Biker is hard at work in his new Job, putting in extra to build his career. Showing that perseverance pays off eventually.

Our perseverance and progress, albeit slow, seems to be having other effects as well. That with our newly installed ‘family project’ board has inspired the Intellectual Thunderstorm to slowly complete projects of his own as well. A task he has battled with for years. Usually spending a few minutes on something for it to just be discarded and never finished. This week though, he has completed two projects in full.

Our Pink Whirlwind is just that, twirling through her days on a rainbow of imagination and energy. I think her bedroom has been rearranged about 15 times in the last month. At least she finishes what she starts as well 🙂 even if she just restarts it again later.

So I guess what we have learnt is, even if it is 1 step 2, then a breather to buckle a shoe. As long as you get up and take steps 3 and 4, and so on, progress will come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edge of Madness

So I have decided to embark on a list of projects that may just drive me mad.

At least you will get a front row seat if that should happen, could be interesting….

Last night we received the latest Neuropsych report for our Intellectual Thunderstorm.  I cannot say that it said anything we did not already suspect or know, however it has definitively made me realize that I am going to have to get a move on in helping him achieve his goals. Outpatient Therapies are not widely available in our fund brackets at present but we are not going to let that stop his progress. Currently he is functioning at a level of between 5 and 7 years below his actual age. The silver lining is that the areas in which he achieves an older functioning level, are those we have developed through therapies and at home support. This proves that his brain is able to learn, albeit a little slower than most.

 

In my research on Neuroplasticity, I came across information from Debbie Hampton as well as the TED talk given by Barbara-Arrowsmith Young. Reading and listening to their stories I have a renewed motivation to get as much information and start helping our Intellectual Thunderstorm overcome the blocks he has, so he can achieve his dreams. I know this is going to be a challenge worth taking.

 

So here I sit, planning and trying to sort out HOW I am going to fit it all in.

  • Research and learn Neuroplasticity
  • Finish the Book Keeping course I am doing (this will provide income hopefully to help fund further studies and therapies)
  • Research and get our veggie patch up and running (to provide food and lessen household expenses)
  •  Help the pink whirlwind re-decorate her bedroom
  • Learn DBT so I can reinforce what our Intellectual Thunderstorm has been taught in therapy
  • Find time to paint (to stave off the madness)
  • Blog (as important a release as painting)
  • Redo Motorcycle learners so can attain wind therapy for self…

The list of TO DO’s grows by the day BUT, I will make it. There is thankfully no lack of family support…..

 

Any suggestions, helpful hints and tips, or research resources any of you have, will be greatly appreciated.

And yes, that farm is still somewhere in the cards for the future…..

 

 

 

Oh No!….Aha!

So almost 5 months since I last sat here typing. Life since then has had so many “oh no!” and “aha” moments.

We have received the final diagnosis of a genetic disorder, we have moved homes, gained new friends and had to walk away from others. Chapters in Life have opened and closed.

Our Intellectual Thunderstorm sadly hit a place through all this where life became too much and he was admitted into an Adolescent In-House counselling program. He has battled through it to come out the other side a wiser and more confident person.  Some moments he so wanted to give up but he persevered through the  grueling months and we are so proud of him.

Its never easy being taken out of your comfort zone and placed into an environment where its all so different. Where you are forced to view yourself through so many mirrors. Sometimes we need to become completely undone in order to find our true selves and heal. We found the specialists involved to be so understanding and compassionate, they truly had all our best at heart. Watching him battle through in this journey was by no means easy, some days I found I wished I could just wave a wand and make it all alright. We all have new eyes towards this life we living. Some paths leave you forever changed.

Today he started a new chapter. Still with all of us behind him supporting him.

Today he went to his first day of work, new and more understanding people surrounding him with new challenges and new beginnings.

Today we stepped into Hope.

 

‘Knock outs’ and ‘Come backs’

Can’t believe we are 14 days into the new year already. It seemed set to start off as a brilliant one. Our Intellectual Thunderstorm acquired another Volunteer position at a Specialist Vet clinic and was doing great, full week. We felt sure this was the turnaround point. We read about how a school, just like what we wanting to open, has opened its doors this Jan in another province. Contacts have been made. Our efforts in finding land to start our school haven’t been going so well but with all the other pluses we were on great footing anyway.

Then today the message came through, “Sorry to have to say but due to some issues we will no longer be requiring his help”

My heart hit the floor faster than a toddler’s breakfast porridge and felt about the same. I just sat, holding back tears and thinking…. “where to now?”

Needless to say I had to go fetch him, he is naturally devastated and emotionally punishing himself, words I hate hearing flying out of his mouth. Self-damaging talk. The emotional damage and self-esteem will take time to heal, we will move forward slowly and learn from this experience. There is no better teacher than life, if we choose to learn from its lessons.

I have calmly asked what the issues were so we can address them and he can learn. Turns out it wasn’t his lack of ability in work, but rather his inability to understand the social norms and etiquette required in social interactions. This has caused the problem. Management feel he does not fit in.

We have learnt already in this life how not everyone has the ability to understand his differences and not every environment is suited to them either. We will return to the drawing board and regroup. He has a way to go and much to learn. Maybe this new school is a new door opening, if all pans out and jobs can be found that side…who knows.

My feelings at the moment are a mix of heartbroken mother and unyielding optimist. I will take a moment… and allow him his. Then we will get back to work. Opportunities knock on the doors of those who are ready to answer.

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