Shazzies Creations

From heart to Art… My world on a page

Tag: hardships

At long last

More than a year since I sat and typed on here. It seems like just the blink of an eye, yet looking back, so much has happened in that one blink that it could almost be a lifetime.

Bearded Biker and I tied the proverbial knot in a small, intimate wedding with just immediate family and our closest friends. Blessed with a beautiful Autumn day spent under the trees by the riverside.

I will say that hand making 130 flowers out of old novels was painstaking and blister forming… but…. the result of standing back on the morning of and seeing the hard work all put together was well worth it.

I even got treated to an old fashioned Honeymoon tradition, I had no idea where we were headed off to until we got to the Airport check in… and neither did anyone else besides Bearded Biker and the travel agent……Bali was beautiful.

We ran a fun competition for family and friends where we posted to a wedding blog everyday, first to guess the destination won a prize. Took five days for the correct guess. Was so much fun seeing where everyone thought we were.

There have been Job losses and Job changes through this past year for all 3 of us graced with age. Bearded Biker had the rollercaoster joy of retrencment and contract work to finally settling in well in his new position at a small company, with an owner that has time and care for both his business and those in his employ.

I have moved on from one bookkeeping position to what was meant to be another. Whether the change was good or bad all depends on ones view of the situation. I choose to look at it that me doing work far from actual bookkeeping, (although at times it has been daunting and caused some sleepless nights) I am gaining a wealth of knowledge and experience. Sometimes the knowledge is not always the knowledge I wanted… but part and parcel in life.

The Intellectual Thunderstorm acquired a volunteer position in an Assisted Living home, unfortunately he fell ill and was admitted to hospital. What was to be a routine appendix removal turned into a 3 ½ Hour wait for me in the hospital room, wondering what had happened.

He was finally wheeled into the room where the Doctor proceeded to explain to me how his Appendix was absolutely healthy, however they had discovered upon further investigating that he had A Meckel’s Diverticulum. It was removed and at least now it cannot cause any further harm, as it had been leaking acid into his abdominal area.

He has since decided, after much debate, that the Assisted Living Facility work is not where he wants to be in his future and has started learning Renovation skills instead, building a portfolio for a future Business of his own.

As much as his heart was compassionate to the elderly and disabled, he found it hard to interact and understand the social world and work politics of his co-workers. At least tools can’t give you mixed signals and argue with you……

Our Pink Whirlwind spent her year hard at work in her books and studies. It was not all smooth sailing, she is a vat of unending energy and imagination coupled with quite a strong will. (and thankfully does not have ADHD. She was tested. Turns out she is just rather clever and gets bored with the work.) She achieved Honour Roll as well as 3 other awards that now hang on her wall. I think she has seen the bright side to all that hard work.

Raising them is a daily challenge and we are learning the skills to “Outwit” their antics. Sometimes watching them use their intelligence to get out of doing things can be both amusing and heartily frustrating. We will choose to be flattered that God feels we can handle, and raise these two unique and beautiful humans without damaging their Souls and personalities. We trust Him daily to help us navigate it all.

There are so many more stories I could share from our past year. I am sure we have all had a year filled with ups and downs. I just hope you can look back and see, in those low moments you had, a glimmer of a silver lining that can become a beacon of growth and strength that will help you navigate the challenging days that still lie ahead.

Heavens Strings

Time often seems so fleeting that I wonder if I have even taken a breathe let alone seen 4 weeks go by. Yet in these rare and quiet moments I can remember all those little things that have been successes or failures, the lessons as well as the motivators.

I attended a ride out to escort a young boy who was graduating. There were 18 Bikers all together for a cause. This youngster had lost his mom and his dad was trying to make the day a little more special. It was an amazing yet emotional adventure. Riding behind his car I thought of my Intellectual Thunderstorm and how he would not have this graduation event in his life. I felt honored to be able to share this moment, a mom with a son who would not graduate at the graduation of a son who’s mom was unable to be there. 

Yet even though that is the case, I know I am extremely blessed to have him still in my life.  Even though he suffers struggles and fears, I get to see him overcome and succeed.

Over the last few months I have witnessed the heartbreaking struggle of an acquaintance who lost her precious child, only 9 Years old.   Life is full of moments that put our struggles into perspective. Help us see the silver lining s in our storms.

Its those small silver linings that shine the tendrils of light into those dark days, the strings from above that we can grasp onto and hold tight till the sun peers through and our strength is rewarded.

Sun Rays

found at http://imgfave.com/view/3719038?r=pin and jmbrns.tumblr.com

 

 

 

Just a Day

This week I hit a day where ‘Giving Up’ seemed to be my minds mantra. I just ran out of steam and even simple thought processing was a chore. I was the epitome of the ‘hormonal’  woman. Tears seemed to want to leak out at every turn and my doomsday nerve thought it needed to be heard and exercised.  My body and mind were exhausted. I spent the day reading a novel and escaping my own thoughts as best I could.

By the end of the day I battled feelings of failure. As to me, nothing productive had been accomplished. The next morning I awoke as usual, blessed to have opened my eyes to the start of another day, filled with the presence of my loved ones and to the realization that I had not failed the day before. I had succeeded in giving myself and my body what it needed. I day to just be. To breath and to heal from the pressures our daily lives put us through.

I think we too often forget to listen to the signals our own minds and bodies send us. We motor forward at break neck speeds fearing not getting done. When taking a break and looking after ourselves is just as important as that next deadline.

I am glad I did stop for a moment. I am glad I allowed myself that one day of ‘giving up’, of letting go and finding a way to divert my mind. For life is full of mountains and hills. If it weren’t for that one day, I would not have had the strength to see the rest of this week through effectively.

look-after-yourself

‘Knock outs’ and ‘Come backs’

Can’t believe we are 14 days into the new year already. It seemed set to start off as a brilliant one. Our Intellectual Thunderstorm acquired another Volunteer position at a Specialist Vet clinic and was doing great, full week. We felt sure this was the turnaround point. We read about how a school, just like what we wanting to open, has opened its doors this Jan in another province. Contacts have been made. Our efforts in finding land to start our school haven’t been going so well but with all the other pluses we were on great footing anyway.

Then today the message came through, “Sorry to have to say but due to some issues we will no longer be requiring his help”

My heart hit the floor faster than a toddler’s breakfast porridge and felt about the same. I just sat, holding back tears and thinking…. “where to now?”

Needless to say I had to go fetch him, he is naturally devastated and emotionally punishing himself, words I hate hearing flying out of his mouth. Self-damaging talk. The emotional damage and self-esteem will take time to heal, we will move forward slowly and learn from this experience. There is no better teacher than life, if we choose to learn from its lessons.

I have calmly asked what the issues were so we can address them and he can learn. Turns out it wasn’t his lack of ability in work, but rather his inability to understand the social norms and etiquette required in social interactions. This has caused the problem. Management feel he does not fit in.

We have learnt already in this life how not everyone has the ability to understand his differences and not every environment is suited to them either. We will return to the drawing board and regroup. He has a way to go and much to learn. Maybe this new school is a new door opening, if all pans out and jobs can be found that side…who knows.

My feelings at the moment are a mix of heartbroken mother and unyielding optimist. I will take a moment… and allow him his. Then we will get back to work. Opportunities knock on the doors of those who are ready to answer.

In the pursuit of craziness

Craziness to me is the ability to be uniquely free, totally myself without fearing what others say or think of me. Its taken a long Journey so far to get to the point of appreciating who I am as an individual.

Last night I remembered the moment when my daughter was five years of age and met my then boss/employer for the first time, she simply stated in all the innocents of a child….’My mom’s Crazy!’ my bosses reply with a broad smile while looking at me was, ‘when did you get out?’ He was thankfully a lawyer with a great sense of humour.

Before I started working at his firm I was a wife, a mother and a bit of a lost soul. My world got altered when at 17 I fell pregnant with the child of my high school sweetheart and proceeded against the advice of my family (like all teens) to get married. I, like so many thought with love all things can be ‘fixed’ you cant fix a broken and beautiful disaster of a soul if they are not willing to be helped. My sweetheart was a man whose ability to love with fire and passion was as intense as his red hot temper. Needless to say life was lived on a floor made of egg shells with temporary respites of cushioned clouds. We lived life and I do have cherished memories but in all of it I was so busy pretending on most days that I lost the ability to be the self I had been discovering as an early teen.

Then one night the world spun and I was left with the tatters of bare coloured strings, the tapestry of the life I knew had been shredded. We went from a family of 4 to just 3 and I was left to be a mom and dad. For months I struggled to find my feet, thankfully I have an amazing family that’s support I am forever grateful for. In those months I regained parts of myself and started to explore. The poetry that had been silent for years flowed and I began to paint again.

Tenderly at first I walked toward the crazy side. The law firm I worked at was not one that’s clients came to the office often, we dealt with corporates mostly. There with my Crazy Cuzz at my side I blossomed into the new me. There were days of Henna tattoos (I now have real ones) and bare feet as I joined in on awareness campaigns. Days of open umbrellas down indoor staircases….in my defense I really didn’t want the debris from the renovations landing in my hair 🙂   so when my little pink whirlwind made her statement it didn’t come as a surprise to my boss. Being who I am though, the legal world was not mine and eventually we parted ways but I will remember those moments and people dearly.

The journey is a continuing one and since those days I have grown more and more. I have made many mistakes and have gained friends and lost some. In life as they say, everyone passes through for a reason, some stay and others are for a season. Today I journey through life with my two gorgeous children and an amazing man who I am blessed to say loves every one of my quirks, some days he laughs and shakes his head saying, ‘you’re so cute’ other days he’s leading the crazy train 😀  My family are by my side still, another blessing, and I have a small but treasured group of friends who are more like family.

A poem I wrote a few months ago about the Journey thus far.

Life’s Journey

To the ones that I have loved
And the ones that I have lost
To the ones that left and the ones I let go
Through all these years
And all these tears
Through the births of precious children
And the deaths of those I have held so dear
To friends and to family
To the lovers and the foes
Each of you have brought to life
Many lesson’s, blessings and some of you strife.
I still thank you all
No matter what your role
For each moment
Be it pain, joy or peace
That has led me to be exactly as I was meant to be

Found @ www.lovethispic.com

 

 

 

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