Shazzies Creations

From heart to Art… My world on a page

Category: Writing and Poetry (page 1 of 3)

Today’s not the Today I planned

Today I was meant to be sharing joyful news. Today was meant to be a happy moment of telling the world that Bearded Biker and I would be having our first baby together, but sometimes our Todays dont go the way we plan them and life rewrites our Todays with tears.

So Today, I am telling you Lifes version of my Today, we lost our little New beginning.

Reasons why are not available to us at the moment but since it is now my third miscarraige, the Obgyn has decided blood tests to rule out an Autoimmune Diesease are now nessecary. I find myself in a catch 22 – I in no way want to be diagnosed and live with that prognosis but on the other side of the coin, to have an actual reason behind having to have three precious Dreams become Fairy Tales would bring some closure.

We thankfully have an amazing support system around us and are holding onto our Faith that All things work for our good, even in our moments of not knowing the why’s, we hold fast to that. In this new road we find ourselves travelling we will watch for those we may encounter whose lives will enrich ours and whose lives we can enrich. Be it through the comfort of a shared Journey or the support we can give wherever it is needed.

We go through things in life that we cannot always understand or explain. Things that knock us down and tear us apart, through these events though we grow and find strength we didn’t know we possessed. We gain knowledge and wisdom that further down our journey in life we can use, whether it be in our own lives or in the lives of those brought into our story.

 

Found @
https://peacefuldiary.com/products/grow-through-what-you-go-through

Found @ http://www.picturequotes.com/when-something-bad-happens-you-can-either-let-it-define-you-let-it-destroy-you-or-you-can-let-it-strengthen-you-quote-9573

Moving Day

So I have taken the plunge and moved to my own hosting….. hope I do not lose too may of my readers.

Change is often scary but as the saying goes, ‘comfort zones are like paved roads, nothing ever grows there.’

Each little step is a step towards achieving a goal. I have successfully completed nine artworks (will post pics soon) and they are ready, framed and off to market. It was not without some trials and failed attempts. Holding thumbs for great feedback and some sales. I do try to remember that Rome was not built in a day, so no matter the outcomes I will keep looking forward and changing what is needed along the way.

The Intellectual Thunderstorm was granted his Disability Grant and has moved into his own little abode on the property. His next step in striving for independence. He has also started his first steps towards his own little business. More to follow soon. He is learning to juggle a whole new world, oft times daunting, however he is coping better than expected.

The Pink Whirlwind has grown so much, it feels as if I blinked and all of a sudden there was a young lady in the place of my sweet faced cherub. She is officially a tween and life is all about style, selfies and bff’s. Current style and best fitting her personality is that of free spirited bohemian.

Our family grew over the last few weeks, in addition to our 2 lovable Pups and 2 cuddly Hammies, we welcomed 2 feathered friends in the way of Silkies (fluffy chickens). A mothers day gift from my handsome Bearded Biker. I have to say they have really tickled my heart strings. Charming, sweet little peckers they are. Took only 3 days and they are running to greet us at the gate when we approach. It seems that its not only men who’s hearts are found through the tummy 🙂

I hope the days past have been good to all of you and that through each hurdle you may have faced you remember a great saying I love, “If we have never failed, it means we have never tried.”

 

Chapters

It is amazing how our lives are filled with chapters, each with its own unique feel, yet all fitting together to complete the book of our life story.

I know, the phrase is not an uncommon one in all circles, from Pinterest posts to poems.

As common as it is though…. it is so true. I am sure those who do not like to read could say that one season has come to an end in the series of their life’s story. However you choose to state it, the fact remains, we all live and experience phases of life that start and end, leaving behind memories and lessons…..sometimes heartaches.

This past two weeks has brought to a close a few of those chapters in my life as well as Bearded Bikers and his family.

For me, I am no longer a Bookkeeper. After many points to consider we decided that the cons outweighed the pros in that line of work in our lives, and we have decided that I will now take the leap, a scary yet exhilarating one, and focus on my art and writing. A new business venture is being plotted and soon we will launch. Crossing fingers, toes and hair strands with loads of prayer and hard work that all will pan out. I will reveal all as soon as its ready for the spotlight.

For Bearded Biker and his family, the chapter closed with tears and sweet goodbyes. They bid farewell to their Ouma/ Avó/Gran. She will be remembered in cherished memories held in their hearts. The kids and I did not know her long but she spoke often of Portugal and the boats on the bay there, we have a few sweet memories to cherish as well. The sweet side of the “goodbye” was the “hello’s” that the family got to say to those who came from far. Moments shared around the fire after, with glasses of wine and stories to tell.

Wherever you are in your life. Be it the beginning, middle or end of a chapter. I trust you remember to take time to make memories, to learn and grow, but most of all……to find the joy in each day.

At long last

More than a year since I sat and typed on here. It seems like just the blink of an eye, yet looking back, so much has happened in that one blink that it could almost be a lifetime.

Bearded Biker and I tied the proverbial knot in a small, intimate wedding with just immediate family and our closest friends. Blessed with a beautiful Autumn day spent under the trees by the riverside.

I will say that hand making 130 flowers out of old novels was painstaking and blister forming… but…. the result of standing back on the morning of and seeing the hard work all put together was well worth it.

I even got treated to an old fashioned Honeymoon tradition, I had no idea where we were headed off to until we got to the Airport check in… and neither did anyone else besides Bearded Biker and the travel agent……Bali was beautiful.

We ran a fun competition for family and friends where we posted to a wedding blog everyday, first to guess the destination won a prize. Took five days for the correct guess. Was so much fun seeing where everyone thought we were.

There have been Job losses and Job changes through this past year for all 3 of us graced with age. Bearded Biker had the rollercaoster joy of retrencment and contract work to finally settling in well in his new position at a small company, with an owner that has time and care for both his business and those in his employ.

I have moved on from one bookkeeping position to what was meant to be another. Whether the change was good or bad all depends on ones view of the situation. I choose to look at it that me doing work far from actual bookkeeping, (although at times it has been daunting and caused some sleepless nights) I am gaining a wealth of knowledge and experience. Sometimes the knowledge is not always the knowledge I wanted… but part and parcel in life.

The Intellectual Thunderstorm acquired a volunteer position in an Assisted Living home, unfortunately he fell ill and was admitted to hospital. What was to be a routine appendix removal turned into a 3 ½ Hour wait for me in the hospital room, wondering what had happened.

He was finally wheeled into the room where the Doctor proceeded to explain to me how his Appendix was absolutely healthy, however they had discovered upon further investigating that he had A Meckel’s Diverticulum. It was removed and at least now it cannot cause any further harm, as it had been leaking acid into his abdominal area.

He has since decided, after much debate, that the Assisted Living Facility work is not where he wants to be in his future and has started learning Renovation skills instead, building a portfolio for a future Business of his own.

As much as his heart was compassionate to the elderly and disabled, he found it hard to interact and understand the social world and work politics of his co-workers. At least tools can’t give you mixed signals and argue with you……

Our Pink Whirlwind spent her year hard at work in her books and studies. It was not all smooth sailing, she is a vat of unending energy and imagination coupled with quite a strong will. (and thankfully does not have ADHD. She was tested. Turns out she is just rather clever and gets bored with the work.) She achieved Honour Roll as well as 3 other awards that now hang on her wall. I think she has seen the bright side to all that hard work.

Raising them is a daily challenge and we are learning the skills to “Outwit” their antics. Sometimes watching them use their intelligence to get out of doing things can be both amusing and heartily frustrating. We will choose to be flattered that God feels we can handle, and raise these two unique and beautiful humans without damaging their Souls and personalities. We trust Him daily to help us navigate it all.

There are so many more stories I could share from our past year. I am sure we have all had a year filled with ups and downs. I just hope you can look back and see, in those low moments you had, a glimmer of a silver lining that can become a beacon of growth and strength that will help you navigate the challenging days that still lie ahead.

Heavens Strings

Time often seems so fleeting that I wonder if I have even taken a breathe let alone seen 4 weeks go by. Yet in these rare and quiet moments I can remember all those little things that have been successes or failures, the lessons as well as the motivators.

I attended a ride out to escort a young boy who was graduating. There were 18 Bikers all together for a cause. This youngster had lost his mom and his dad was trying to make the day a little more special. It was an amazing yet emotional adventure. Riding behind his car I thought of my Intellectual Thunderstorm and how he would not have this graduation event in his life. I felt honored to be able to share this moment, a mom with a son who would not graduate at the graduation of a son who’s mom was unable to be there. 

Yet even though that is the case, I know I am extremely blessed to have him still in my life.  Even though he suffers struggles and fears, I get to see him overcome and succeed.

Over the last few months I have witnessed the heartbreaking struggle of an acquaintance who lost her precious child, only 9 Years old.   Life is full of moments that put our struggles into perspective. Help us see the silver lining s in our storms.

Its those small silver linings that shine the tendrils of light into those dark days, the strings from above that we can grasp onto and hold tight till the sun peers through and our strength is rewarded.

Sun Rays

found at http://imgfave.com/view/3719038?r=pin and jmbrns.tumblr.com

 

 

 

Just a Day

This week I hit a day where ‘Giving Up’ seemed to be my minds mantra. I just ran out of steam and even simple thought processing was a chore. I was the epitome of the ‘hormonal’  woman. Tears seemed to want to leak out at every turn and my doomsday nerve thought it needed to be heard and exercised.  My body and mind were exhausted. I spent the day reading a novel and escaping my own thoughts as best I could.

By the end of the day I battled feelings of failure. As to me, nothing productive had been accomplished. The next morning I awoke as usual, blessed to have opened my eyes to the start of another day, filled with the presence of my loved ones and to the realization that I had not failed the day before. I had succeeded in giving myself and my body what it needed. I day to just be. To breath and to heal from the pressures our daily lives put us through.

I think we too often forget to listen to the signals our own minds and bodies send us. We motor forward at break neck speeds fearing not getting done. When taking a break and looking after ourselves is just as important as that next deadline.

I am glad I did stop for a moment. I am glad I allowed myself that one day of ‘giving up’, of letting go and finding a way to divert my mind. For life is full of mountains and hills. If it weren’t for that one day, I would not have had the strength to see the rest of this week through effectively.

look-after-yourself

One foot forward

Some days ‘schooling’ us all is a life lesson in patience and perseverance. I may just land up Virtues one day…..scary thought…

Currently the Intellectual thunderstorm is doing his utmost to avoid his OT homework, he has an indefinite amount of excuses and for every solution there is another excuse. At least we know he is currently using his intellectual abilities, albeit in the wrong direction. He has at least agreed to some slow and steady, a little here and a little there…progress. I know he finds self-reflection hard as it brings up so many emotional soft spots for him.

The pink whirlwind is either exceptionally bored with her work or she may be suffering from a concentration issues. We going to have to look into that. At present she seems to feel the need to ‘fake’ actually getting done, even though she knows it gets checked….never have understood the concept of voluntarily getting yourself into trouble. I would have said she may be looking for attention but we are doing a lot together lately to try stave that possibility off.

I….am feeling Information overload! I am going to have to deal though. I have just four months left to complete this ‘Business Fundamentals’ course. As much as it feels like info overload I am pretty sure it is more the fact that it is not my favorite topic. Although it will be highly beneficial for all the future projects we have lined up, so I will persevere and get done.

We have some great stuff lined up though, we have booked for a charity market stall at the end of October, the Intellectual Thunderstorm is slowly creating some artworks to sell, as am I. It feels really great to get back into my art. Nothing better than smudgy pastel ridden fingers and creativity blooming under your thumb. Will post some pictures of our work soon. The Pink Whirlwind is currently looking for great Dog Treat Recipes (She is testing them on the new member of our family, our rescue pup) so she can sell some nutritious Doggy Treats at the market. Cooking has become her favorite past time of late. I have to say in terms of the ‘Human Food’ she most definitely has a talent. Our lovable Biker Babe is motivating us all on and pitching in where he can.

I have also started a new contract job, brings in enough to cover expenses for now and allows me free time for the brood and for myself…..and….I finally started writing my book, it has taken 3 years to actually start it but I am really proud to say I have.

My favorite  happening at the moment though is our garden. Must be because we were without one for so long. Our peaches have arrived and are growing, the fig tree has woken up and our Mulberry tree is heavy with both fruit and weaver birds nests. The garden is alive with singing and new beginnings. The Pink Whirlwind is in awe every day with the new things she sees. The vegetable seeds have not sprouted yet, so I think I went wrong somewhere there and I definitely did kill those poor rose bushes. Bearded Biker kindly got me some seedlings to plant so my vegetable patch would not look so bare, thankfully those are surviving my beginners hands.

And as much as life gets tough and we have to some days pick our feet up with our hands and get moving, the results will be worth the effort.

One of our little sprouts....

One of our little sprouts….

Breathe

My head has been spinning lately. I actually don’t even have a plan on this post. I am just sitting here writing as it comes.

This last two weeks have been a bit of a blur with us all getting flu and still trying to get done whats needed. The paperwork involved with getting our application in at Social Services for the Intellectual Thunderstorms grant is immense. It has been one queue after another but we are on the home stretch…..I hope….

While chatting to some ladies at the Stables this last week, it was discovered that we all have similar thoughts and passion for starting a vocational center. They are in negotiations to secure space but were lacking the individuals to run the center, talks about getting things up and running will be scheduled soon. Amazing how when you stay the course the right people eventually land in your path.

on another note, I think I may have killed my rose bushes though, although someone suggested they may just be throwing a tantrum cause I moved their feet to a new location..in my defense I did google and tried to do it in the right month. The surprise freeze over cold front that hit us was not in the game plan. My seedlings have yet to poke their little heads above the warm soil. I am holding thumbs they will, while wishing that having ‘green fingers’ was as easy as simply painting them, but we will keep persevering. One ray of gardening hope is staring at me through my kitchen window, tiny little pink blossoms are appearing on our most ancient of peach trees.

Tomorrow the Intellectual Thunderstorm turns another year older, his childlike exuberance at this fact is contagious. The pink Whirlwind is all set to bake cupcakes for him to take to work in the morning. Outside the world is buzzing with life.

Me….I am just sitting here, soup in hand, mind wondering and having a breather.

 

breathe

www.freelapusa.com

“1..2..Buckle my shoe..”

Baby steps….I believe its all about the little steps forward that dictate progress and success.

We cannot ‘High Speed’ chase it to the finish line without the small steps of planning and preparation and expect a quality outcome. Even MotoGP Riders study the track, learn the bike and its ‘personality’. Spending days practicing before they partake in the High Speed Race to a win.

So in lieu of my belief above, I am taking solace in our baby steps. Progress has been small in the last 9 days but it is progress. I may only manage to study for 45 minutes in a day (Bookkeeping is not my dream job, in fact its kind of mind numbing for me) but it is 45 minutes closer everyday to a finish. Rather 45 minutes of quality study than hours and nothing learnt. I may stop every 2 steps and take a breather but I do move again. The veggie seeds are planted and I have my next painting mapped out, research on Neuroplasticity is going a bit slower.Bearded Biker is hard at work in his new Job, putting in extra to build his career. Showing that perseverance pays off eventually.

Our perseverance and progress, albeit slow, seems to be having other effects as well. That with our newly installed ‘family project’ board has inspired the Intellectual Thunderstorm to slowly complete projects of his own as well. A task he has battled with for years. Usually spending a few minutes on something for it to just be discarded and never finished. This week though, he has completed two projects in full.

Our Pink Whirlwind is just that, twirling through her days on a rainbow of imagination and energy. I think her bedroom has been rearranged about 15 times in the last month. At least she finishes what she starts as well 🙂 even if she just restarts it again later.

So I guess what we have learnt is, even if it is 1 step 2, then a breather to buckle a shoe. As long as you get up and take steps 3 and 4, and so on, progress will come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edge of Madness

So I have decided to embark on a list of projects that may just drive me mad.

At least you will get a front row seat if that should happen, could be interesting….

Last night we received the latest Neuropsych report for our Intellectual Thunderstorm.  I cannot say that it said anything we did not already suspect or know, however it has definitively made me realize that I am going to have to get a move on in helping him achieve his goals. Outpatient Therapies are not widely available in our fund brackets at present but we are not going to let that stop his progress. Currently he is functioning at a level of between 5 and 7 years below his actual age. The silver lining is that the areas in which he achieves an older functioning level, are those we have developed through therapies and at home support. This proves that his brain is able to learn, albeit a little slower than most.

 

In my research on Neuroplasticity, I came across information from Debbie Hampton as well as the TED talk given by Barbara-Arrowsmith Young. Reading and listening to their stories I have a renewed motivation to get as much information and start helping our Intellectual Thunderstorm overcome the blocks he has, so he can achieve his dreams. I know this is going to be a challenge worth taking.

 

So here I sit, planning and trying to sort out HOW I am going to fit it all in.

  • Research and learn Neuroplasticity
  • Finish the Book Keeping course I am doing (this will provide income hopefully to help fund further studies and therapies)
  • Research and get our veggie patch up and running (to provide food and lessen household expenses)
  •  Help the pink whirlwind re-decorate her bedroom
  • Learn DBT so I can reinforce what our Intellectual Thunderstorm has been taught in therapy
  • Find time to paint (to stave off the madness)
  • Blog (as important a release as painting)
  • Redo Motorcycle learners so can attain wind therapy for self…

The list of TO DO’s grows by the day BUT, I will make it. There is thankfully no lack of family support…..

 

Any suggestions, helpful hints and tips, or research resources any of you have, will be greatly appreciated.

And yes, that farm is still somewhere in the cards for the future…..

 

 

 

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