Craziness to me is the ability to be uniquely free, totally myself without fearing what others say or think of me. Its taken a long Journey so far to get to the point of appreciating who I am as an individual.
Last night I remembered the moment when my daughter was five years of age and met my then boss/employer for the first time, she simply stated in all the innocents of a child….’My mom’s Crazy!’ my bosses reply with a broad smile while looking at me was, ‘when did you get out?’ He was thankfully a lawyer with a great sense of humour.
Before I started working at his firm I was a wife, a mother and a bit of a lost soul. My world got altered when at 17 I fell pregnant with the child of my high school sweetheart and proceeded against the advice of my family (like all teens) to get married. I, like so many thought with love all things can be ‘fixed’ you cant fix a broken and beautiful disaster of a soul if they are not willing to be helped. My sweetheart was a man whose ability to love with fire and passion was as intense as his red hot temper. Needless to say life was lived on a floor made of egg shells with temporary respites of cushioned clouds. We lived life and I do have cherished memories but in all of it I was so busy pretending on most days that I lost the ability to be the self I had been discovering as an early teen.
Then one night the world spun and I was left with the tatters of bare coloured strings, the tapestry of the life I knew had been shredded. We went from a family of 4 to just 3 and I was left to be a mom and dad. For months I struggled to find my feet, thankfully I have an amazing family that’s support I am forever grateful for. In those months I regained parts of myself and started to explore. The poetry that had been silent for years flowed and I began to paint again.
Tenderly at first I walked toward the crazy side. The law firm I worked at was not one that’s clients came to the office often, we dealt with corporates mostly. There with my Crazy Cuzz at my side I blossomed into the new me. There were days of Henna tattoos (I now have real ones) and bare feet as I joined in on awareness campaigns. Days of open umbrellas down indoor staircases….in my defense I really didn’t want the debris from the renovations landing in my hair 🙂 so when my little pink whirlwind made her statement it didn’t come as a surprise to my boss. Being who I am though, the legal world was not mine and eventually we parted ways but I will remember those moments and people dearly.
The journey is a continuing one and since those days I have grown more and more. I have made many mistakes and have gained friends and lost some. In life as they say, everyone passes through for a reason, some stay and others are for a season. Today I journey through life with my two gorgeous children and an amazing man who I am blessed to say loves every one of my quirks, some days he laughs and shakes his head saying, ‘you’re so cute’ other days he’s leading the crazy train 😀 My family are by my side still, another blessing, and I have a small but treasured group of friends who are more like family.
A poem I wrote a few months ago about the Journey thus far.
To the ones that I have loved
And the ones that I have lost
To the ones that left and the ones I let go
Through all these years
And all these tears
Through the births of precious children
And the deaths of those I have held so dear
To friends and to family
To the lovers and the foes
Each of you have brought to life
Many lesson’s, blessings and some of you strife.
I still thank you all
No matter what your role
For each moment
Be it pain, joy or peace
That has led me to be exactly as I was meant to be